This story was first published in our Paying for College 101 Facebook community. It’s been edited for clarity and flow.
I’m the mom of two graduates of the University of Tennessee at Knoxville (our state flagship school), a current freshman at Barnard College in NYC, and a high school sophomore. Which means—before I’m ready—we’ll be doing the college admissions and financial aid process all over again.
For our two older kids, the path was straightforward. They both knew they wanted to attend UT Knoxville and didn’t seriously explore other options. But our daughter—now a freshman at Barnard—had very different goals. She wanted a selective private college with a strong liberal arts focus, ideally in the Northeast or Mid-Atlantic.
She was already pretty sure about this direction before junior year. While her Title 1 public high school had a wonderful (and incredibly overworked) counselor, most of the guidance understandably focused on in-state public schools and affordability options for those pathways.
So I realized:
If we wanted her to have a real shot at the schools she loved—and avoid financial surprises later—I had to educate myself.
The Big Myth I Believed About Merit Scholarships
Like many parents, I assumed this:
“If your kid has strong grades and test scores, most public and private colleges will offer big merit scholarships that make expensive schools affordable.”
That belief was… completely wrong.
Here’s what I learned (the hard way):
- Most highly selective private colleges offer no merit scholarships at all.
This includes:- All Ivy League schools
- “Little Ivies”
- Seven Sisters schools (Bryn Mawr and Mt. Holyoke also offer very limited merit scholarships)
- Schools like MIT and Rice
- Their financial aid is almost entirely need-based.
If you don’t qualify for need-based aid, there is no merit fallback. - Some selective schools offer a tiny number of competitive merit scholarships (Vanderbilt, Duke, Emory, Northwestern, UChicago, Boston College, Davidson, Lafayette, Grinnell, Kenyon, etc.)
But these schools still operate primarily on need-based financial aid models.
In practical terms, for middle-class families:
Even if a student receives a $20k–$25k merit scholarship at a private college that doesn’t meet full demonstrated need, families are often still left with $40k–$65k per year out of pocket. That simply wasn’t possible for us.
So we made a strategic pivot.
Our Strategy Shift: Stop Chasing Merit, Start Prioritizing “Meets Full Need”
Once we understood how financial aid actually works at selective private colleges, we changed our entire approach:
- We stopped looking at schools where affordability depended mostly on merit scholarships.
- We focused our reach and target schools on colleges that:
- Meet full demonstrated financial need
- Are transparent about need-based aid
- We kept in-state public schools as safeties where merit awards were predictable and guaranteed based on GPA/test scores.
Even though our daughter was a strong applicant, we didn’t “chase merit.” The risk was too high—and the likely payoff too small.
The Step That Changed Everything: Running Net Price Calculators
Next, we ran the Net Price Calculator (NPC) for every school she was considering.
I assumed that if schools all claimed to “meet full demonstrated need,” the results would be similar.
They were not.
We entered the exact same financial information into each NPC—and got very different estimated costs from school to school. Some were realistic for our budget. Others weren’t even close.
If a school’s NPC result was outside what we could afford, she crossed it off her list—before applying.
Her Final College List (and Why We Felt Comfortable Applying)
By the time she finalized her list, every school on it was one we believed we could afford based on:
- NPC results
- Known merit awards at public universities
Her list included:
- Columbia
- Emory
- Barnard
- Brown
- Smith
- Bryn Mawr
- Wellesley
- Oberlin
- Colby
- Kenyon
- University of Richmond
- University of Tennessee (Knoxville)
- University of Tennessee–Chattanooga
- Middle Tennessee State University
Early Decision, a Scare… and a Financial Aid Appeal That Worked
Barnard was her clear first choice. Based on the NPC, we felt safe letting her apply Early Decision.
She was accepted. 🎉
Then we opened the financial aid offer.
It was nowhere near what the NPC had projected.
Cue panic.
While students can decline Early Decision offers due to unaffordable aid, we decided to appeal. We had:
- Screenshots of the NPC results (with dates)
- Documentation of our FAFSA and CSS Profile
- Clear evidence that the offer didn’t align with Barnard’s own calculator
We went through three rounds of appeals over three weeks (during the holidays—fun times).
48 hours before the ED deadline, Barnard adjusted the award—and it aligned with the NPC.
She’s now a very happy Barnard freshman. ❤️
What I Want Other Middle-Class Families to Know
Chasing merit scholarships at selective private colleges is a gamble:
- You don’t know if your child will receive merit aid
- The awards are rare and competitive
- Even “large” merit scholarships often don’t make private colleges affordable
For many middle-income families, focusing on meets full demonstrated need schools is actually the more reliable path to affordability—even when comparing them to public universities with merit aid.
The key is doing the work before your child applies:
- Run NPCs
- Compare results across schools
- Build a list based on affordability, not hope
Final Takeaway
If your student is aiming for selective private colleges and your family falls somewhere in the middle-income and even lower-income range, don’t assume merit scholarships will save you. In many cases, the schools that don’t offer merit at all—but commit to meeting full demonstrated need—end up being the more affordable option.
And yes, you can appeal financial aid. It’s stressful. But sometimes, it works.
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Use R2C Insights to help find merit aid and schools that fit the criteria most important to your student. You’ll not only save precious time, but your student will avoid the heartache of applying to schools they aren’t likely to get into or can’t afford to attend.
Looking for expert help on the road to college? See our 1-1 Coaching Services.
Other Articles You Might Like:
How We’ve Afforded College for 5 (Out of 6 Kids) – Without Parent Loans
We Had Triplets and Paid $0 in Tuition. Here’s How
How to Make Affordable Colleges Even More Affordable
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