A parent in our Paying for College 101 Facebook group recently asked the community a blunt question: why are families willing to pay so much for a bachelor’s degree?
They had a personal reason for asking. They went to a four-year private college, then turned down several higher-ranked law schools for an in-state option.
“I’m an attorney, in my 40s, make a very nice salary (making more than colleagues who graduated from higher-tiered law schools), and paid off my own student loans after several years. My law degree and undergrad together were about $100k.”
Then came a thought experiment:
“Stick with me here…pretend you have one million dollars in your bank account. Liquid. That’s a lot of money, right? … Probably took you your whole life to build. Who is willing to spend a quarter of that, or half of that, on one child’s education?”
“Regardless of how it’s paid, can we focus on the absurdity of the cost?”
The post sparked one of the liveliest debates the group has seen. Some parents cheered, some pushed back hard, and many shared exactly how they kept costs down for their own students. Here’s what they had to say.
To protect privacy, parents are identified by first name and last initial only.
The Case for the Most Affordable Option
The original post made a clear argument for keeping costs as low as possible.
“Save your own money, save your child from crippling debt, and choose the cheapest college possible. In the end, it doesn’t matter where they graduate from.”
“And if your child got free tuition somehow, accept that offer, then throw an epic party. Because that’s an accomplishment!”
Debt Follows Students for Years
Jenna R. agreed:
“No debt or the lowest debt possible is already a huge advantage over paying for a name that won’t really matter later.”
Megan G. knows that firsthand:
“Paid off loans on my two private college degrees until well into my 40s. I remember meeting young people in my first jobs who were completely debt-free and looking at buying homes, going to grad school, starting families.”
Save the Big Spending for Grad School
Several parents pointed out that students headed to medical, law, or graduate school have even more reason to keep undergrad costs down.
“I always tell people if you’re planning on or need grad school for your terminal degree, do NOT waste money on expensive undergrad. Lots of great docs got their undergrad degrees from schools that prepared them well for med school at a fraction of the cost.” (Maggie B.)
Carrie D. shared a real example:
“My son’s closest friend from HS was accepted to an Ivy, but the price was too steep to justify. She wants to go to med school so she doesn’t want to start with undergrad debt. So she is living at home and attending the “Public Ivy” here in our town.”
A State School Can Open Big Doors
Trisha W. has two National Merit Finalists in her family:
“Both opted to accept the scholarship offer at the University of Idaho. One has now gone on to work on a Ph.D. at an Ivy. They both had amazing opportunities at the state school and graduated debt-free.”
Is “the College Experience” Worth the Extra Cost?
Few topics got parents talking like the price of campus life.
Some Parents Are Skeptical
Dawn L. watched her son’s friends make a costly choice:
“My son has friends who are going to a state school down south and spending double than going to a state school in their hometown all for “the experience.” My thoughts are the only thing they will experience is crippling debt and living back home in Mom and Dad’s basement!”
One parent said a campus tour gave them pause:
“The first tour I took my daughter on, the tour guide talked way too much about all the activities and festivals the school put on. In my head, I thought, “So this is why your school is $80k a year!’”
Another parent, whose son attended Alabama on a full ride through the National Merit Scholarship, noticed something at an orientation lunch:
“The entire table I was sitting with was all from out of state, and most were paying full price AND their kids were going to rush (the cost of fraternities and sororities at Bama is crazy!). There is no way our son would have gone there without that scholarship.”
Others Say It’s Worth Every Penny
For some families, the experience is exactly what they’re paying for. One parent of an out-of-state student, who drives a paid-off 10-year-old car to make it work, said:
“The ‘experience’ we are giving him has taught him more than just academics. Meeting new friends, time management, problem-solving, etc. I brought him into the world and am happy to have him start his adult life debt-free.”
Amy M. explained why paying matters so much to her:
“I am willing to pay it because my parents were not in a position to pay mine, and it has affected choices I have made as an adult. From when I had a child, the number of children, and home ownership.”
Why Some Families Choose to Pay More
Not everyone agreed. Many parents said the cheapest option on paper isn’t always the cheapest, or the best fit, in real life.
“Counterpoint: how other people spend their money is not your problem.” (Anna G.)
Fit and Career Goals Matter Too
“In my family I have seen firsthand that sometimes fit matters more than free, and this has nothing to do with prestige.” (Nancy S.)
Stephanie C. weighed her in-state options carefully before choosing an out-of-state public:
“My kid is headed to an out-of-state public because of fit, the ability to build a strong resume during college, and career prospects after college. That school is going to be around $20k a year, including tuition, room and board, and fees. Not the closest, not the cheapest, but made the most sense for our family.”
Hools W. pushed back on the idea that it never matters where you go, at least for students headed to law school:
“In that particular field, choosing the cheapest law school may in some ways limit your career path. For some career paths it won’t matter, but for others, it will. Unfortunately, the reality is that certain career paths are only possible if a student attends one of the more highly ranked law schools.”
Even Free Tuition Has Costs
“Sometimes the cheapest choice will still add up. My son was able to get full tuition covered at a prestigious university, but room and board is costing 17k a year. It’s our cheapest option because we don’t have a state school within commuting distance.” (Sandy G.)
How Parents Brought the Cost Down
Whatever side they landed on, parents shared plenty of practical ways to make college more affordable.
Do the Research Before Applying
Lisa R., a single mom of twins, said it starts with research:
“What is absurd is the lack of research parents do before applying and accepting to schools they ‘thought’ would cost less or their children would get all kinds of money thrown at them. There are almost 4000 colleges in the US and many ways to fund these schools.”
Her son also finished early: “My son went to an OOS SLAC, which he was able to graduate in 3 years, which ultimately saved us money even though his school cost more.”
The payoff? “His major was key in his success in securing a lucrative job and paid off his loans in 18 months!”
Earn College Credit Early
Megan G. shared several options:
“Many states offer community college promise programs where the first 1-2 years of coursework are free or near free, then students transfer those courses to in-state 4-year colleges. There are schools offering accelerated programs to graduate sooner. Many high schools offer AP/DE options so students can transfer credits to 4-year colleges and enter with a year or two of Gen Ed credits completed, allowing them to finish a 4-year degree in fewer years.”
Cécile R.’s son attends a middle college on a community college campus:
“He’s been taking college courses since his freshman year and accumulating college credits, which saves us both on tuition for those credits and the cost of the books/materials as his high school provides those to him.”
Have Backup Plans That Fit Your Budget
Kristie W. mapped out affordable options before her student applied:
“I found one college in state they can live at with just a $ 5,500 loan they can take, or they can commute to two others debt-free.”
Now it’s a waiting game, but either way her son has a path:
“He is in the running for three full-ride scholarships, and if he gets them, he can have a great 4 years at West Chester. If NO scholarships come through he can afford Kutztown with just $5500 loan so not terrible.”
The parent whose son went to Alabama has now put two students through college for about $48,000 total. Their family’s definition of a dream school:
“The dream school for us has been the ones that gave a lot of scholarships.”
Let Your Student See the Numbers
One parent’s daughter, a former child actor, is paying for college with her own savings. She loved a few private universities that would have cost about $80,000 a year. Instead, she chose two years of free community college, then a state school at about $20,000 a year. Her parent suggested a question every family could try:
“I think it would be interesting to ask your child: if I gave you $400,000 and you could spend it how you wanted, if you would go to a school that cost $100,000 a year or a state school that cost $20,000 a year and you could keep the $320,000/$360,000? I bet a lot of them would choose a less expensive school like my daughter did.”
The Lesson: Know Your Number Before Your Student Applies
Parents didn’t agree on whether paying more is ever worth it. But nearly everyone agreed on one thing: the families who felt best about their choice set a budget early, looked past the sticker price, and built a college list around what they could actually afford.
