When it comes to college planning, hindsight really is 20/20. I went back to the parents in Paying for College 101 (PFC101) and asked a simple question: What do you know now that you wish you knew before this process started?
The response was overwhelming. Hundreds of parents chimed in with lessons learned the hard way — about money, about admissions, about managing expectations, and about supporting their kids through one of the most stressful chapters of family life. Here’s what they had to say.
Start With the Money — And Start Early
If there was one theme that dominated the conversation, it was this: college costs more than you think, and the earlier you start saving, the better. Many parents expressed regret about not putting more into a 529 savings plan or not opening one sooner.
Open a 529 when they are born, SAVE, set up a separate email just for all of the college emails, and stay on top of grades. — Minn M.
For real, save something, ANYTHING, starting when they’re born. If you have the structure set up, you’re more likely to use it. — Jennifer G.S.
One parent, Sharon B., shared that she didn’t truly understand the cost of college until her son was in 10th grade. She had opened a 529 when he was 10 with just $2,500 and had been contributing only $100 a month. After joining PFC101 and educating herself during COVID, she ramped up to $1,000–$1,200 a month and shuffled money from other accounts to fully fund his education. Her advice? Don’t wait.
Several parents also wished they had prioritized college savings alongside retirement savings, rather than putting all of their eggs in the retirement basket.
My husband said our financial advisor recommended putting all we had into our retirement before funding 529. And, although we are pretty well off with retirement money, I wish we had more for just their colleges. — Dana D.E.
Understand the Difference Between Merit Aid and Financial Aid
One of the most common points of confusion for parents was the difference between merit-based scholarships and need-based financial aid. Understanding this distinction early can significantly shape your college list and strategy.
Merit scholarships are based on grades, test scores, and achievements — not your income. Financial aid, on the other hand, is based on demonstrated financial need. Many parents were surprised to learn that some highly selective schools don’t offer merit scholarships at all, while some lesser-known schools offer very generous ones.
Don’t be afraid to be a ‘big fish in a small pond.’ Both of mine chose smaller, lesser-known schools, and it paid off. Child 1 had a four-year full ride, and Child 2 is a freshman with a full ride, getting several thousand dollars in refunds each semester. He’s making money by going to college. — Leslie C.V.
Privates often offer a lot more merit than publics, so sometimes they end up being much cheaper! — Marci G.S.
Parents also noted the importance of running Net Price Calculators (NPCs) for every school on your list and learning to read Common Data Sets, which reveal a school’s actual financial aid and merit patterns.
Research Early and Often — It Pays Off
Over and over, parents emphasized that early, thorough research was one of the most valuable things they did — or wished they had done.
‘Over-researching’ and doing that early is your best friend. My son will get his BSN completely free with zero debt, largely because of information I learned in this group — a merit scholarship from a university I’d never heard of, nor was on my radar. — Sara T.
Several parents recommended specific books to help guide the research process, including The Price You Pay for College, Who Gets In and Why, and Dream School by Jeff Selingo, as well as Ron Lieber’s work.
Those two books really clarified the process and then guided our search. I feel like every parent and prospective college student needs to read them at the outset. — Karie B.
Parents also stressed the value of looking into honors colleges, applying Early Action when possible to unlock more scholarship opportunities, and using the Department of Education’s return-on-investment tool to evaluate schools by major and price point.
Be Strategic About Test Prep and Scholarships
Test scores remain a major factor in earning merit aid at many schools, and parents encouraged investing in adequate SAT or ACT preparation. Whether that means a tutor, Khan Academy, or a prep class, the consensus was: don’t wing it.
My son took a practice test, had his results analyzed for weaknesses, and then focused on those areas in Khan Academy. He raised his score by over 150 points. — Danielle D.B.
When it comes to outside scholarships, however, parents offered a reality check. Many found the process to be time-consuming relative to the payoff, with large scholarships going to students with the greatest need or most extraordinary credentials, and smaller scholarships requiring extensive essays and applications for modest one-time awards.
Scholarships are not a viable way to pay for college. Look for merit or less expensive colleges if you can’t personally pay cash for the whole thing. — Julie R.C.
That said, local scholarships tend to have less competition and better odds, so parents recommended focusing energy there.
Have the Budget Conversation Early
This one came up again and again: be upfront with your student about what you can afford before they fall in love with a school that isn’t financially realistic.
Research the cost of the school BEFORE you allow your kid to get their heart set on it. Don’t go shopping for a Rolls-Royce if you can only afford a Toyota, unless you’re just clear that you’re window shopping. — BeachChick88
‘Dream school’ aspirations are great, but it’s OK to say no as a parent if you can’t afford it. And let them know ahead of time what your budget is, so they aren’t surprised. — Julie R.C.
Multiple parents also pointed out that the true cost of attendance extends well beyond tuition. Room and board, travel costs, car maintenance, textbooks, and unexpected expenses all add up. One parent noted that the distance to campus became a bigger financial factor than expected, with each visit requiring gas, tolls, meals, and sometimes a hotel.
Get Organized — It Will Save You
The practical tips were some of the most universally endorsed. At the top of the list: create a separate email account dedicated exclusively to college-related correspondence.
Make a separate email account for just college stuff. If we hadn’t done that and my ADHD kid tried to manage it, he wouldn’t be going anywhere. — PassionateWallaby2713
Another parent shared that their child was a semifinalist for a $12,000 scholarship but didn’t read the email in time to advance. The message was clear: whether your student manages the inbox or you do (or both), someone has to be checking it regularly.
Parents also recommended keeping a running document — even a simple Google Doc — with login credentials, application deadlines, financial aid dates, and status updates for each school. And more than one parent suggested getting essays mostly done the summer before senior year.
Have all essays 90% done the summer before senior year. And if you can only hire out for help in one area, I’d say this would be it. — Brannon O.A.
Manage Expectations — Yours and Theirs
Perhaps the most emotionally resonant advice was about managing expectations. Parents cautioned that the admissions landscape has changed dramatically since they were applying to schools, and that even highly qualified students face unpredictable outcomes.
Get comfortable with the idea that you will see college admissions decisions that appear illogical to you. — Marc H.
Be very clear that your kid might be exceptional in your eyes, but has the same or substantially identical stats as a ton of other kids applying to the same school. Manage your expectations and those of your child. — BeachChick88
At the same time, parents reminded each other that things tend to work out. Students who don’t end up at their first-choice school often thrive where they land.
They’ll have choices. They’ll get in. You can afford it. It won’t be easy. — Carina B.
Let Your Kid Lead (But Stay Close)
Several parents emphasized the importance of giving students ownership over the process while remaining a steady, supportive presence behind the scenes. This is, after all, their next chapter.
Let your child take the lead! This is their story to build. Guide them, give advice when asked, and have an honest conversation well before applications go out about cost. Don’t push your agenda — you already got to live this time in your life. This isn’t your do-over; it is their turn. — Kimberly S.
Thomas C. offered a piece of advice that stuck with many in the group: as parents, stay quiet during college tours. Let your student express their impressions. And at the end of the process, once all the acceptances and financial aid offers are in, let them make the final call so they own the decision.
And through it all, remember to tell them how proud you are.
Visit Smart
Campus visits came up frequently, with parents sharing practical tips beyond the standard admissions tour.
Ask current students how they like it while on your visits, not just the tour guides. They will tell you, and it is invaluable information. — Barbara M.M.
Parents recommended attending admitted student days, which offer a very different vibe than prospective student tours. They also suggested asking about guaranteed housing, air conditioning, and apartment costs near campus for years beyond freshman year. And if possible, incorporate college visits into regular family travel to save time and money.
Your child should speak with multiple students, without you, at a school before making a decision. Social life, stress level, internship opportunities, and ease of getting desired classes will make or break the college experience. Current students will give your child the real deal. — Rachel L.
The Bottom Line
If there’s a single takeaway from the hundreds of parents who shared their experiences, it’s this: start early, stay informed, and be honest about money. The college process is stressful, emotional, and at times downright bewildering. But you don’t have to navigate it alone.
As one parent put it simply: It’s all going to be OK.
The information in this guide is meant to get you started. Customize an approach that works for your family.
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Use R2C Insights to help find merit aid and schools that fit the criteria most important to your student. You’ll not only save precious time, but your student will avoid the heartache of applying to schools they aren’t likely to get into or can’t afford to attend.
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