Dear Roadie,
I found a fake ID while looking for my car keys in my daughter’s purse. She’s only 18 and has never really done anything like this, so I was shocked. Is this what college is about now? Should I say something to her about it, and if so, what? I’m not sure what to do!”
— My Daughter Has a Fake ID
Dear My Daughter Has a Fake ID,
Whether you were looking for your keys, simply tidying up, or helping your daughter pack for school, you’re not the first parent to discover your child has a fake ID tucked inside her wallet. Cue the internal freak-out: What does this mean? Is she breaking the law? Is she partying too hard?
First, know this: Fake IDs are incredibly common among college students. That doesn’t mean it’s okay, but it does mean your daughter isn’t necessarily on a fast track to trouble. For many students, it’s more about fitting in, gaining access to social settings, or even buying a drink now and then. It’s less about rebellion and more about being part of the crowd.
That said, a fake ID is still illegal, and it’s worth addressing, not just brushing under the rug.
Start a Calm Conversation
Notice the keyword here: calm. This is not the time for yelling or dramatic accusations. Instead, approach her when you’re both relaxed and have some privacy. Say something like: “Hey, while you were home, I noticed a fake ID in your wallet. Can we talk about why you have it?”
The goal is to understand her reasoning. Is it peer pressure? Does she feel like she’s missing out on something? Or is it simply a misguided decision she didn’t think through?
Once you’ve got the “why,” you can move on to the “what now.” Explain the risks involved—both legally and personally. A fake ID can lead to fines, legal trouble, or even issues with her college if she’s caught using it. And then there’s a safety issue. Being in places she’s technically not supposed to be can expose her to risks she might not be ready to handle.
Frame it less as punishment and more as guidance. For example, “I get that it might seem like no big deal, but what do you think could happen if you’re caught?” Framing it as a question prompts her to think about whether it’s worth it.
Keep the Bigger Picture in Mind
If you’re financially supporting her, it’s fair to set boundaries about behavior. For example, you could say, “I trust you to make good decisions, but having a fake ID isn’t something I’m comfortable with. Can we agree this stops here?”
Be clear about your expectations while emphasizing your trust in her ability to make better choices moving forward.
Finally, remember this: A fake ID isn’t a reflection of who your daughter is as a person. College is a time for testing boundaries and learning lessons. If you approach this with understanding rather than judgment, you’re more likely to strengthen your relationship and guide her toward better decisions.
_______
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