For parents, the college admissions journey can be a mixture of excitement, worry, and pride as they support their child through one of life’s biggest decisions. To help families navigate this important process, Road2College founder Debbie Schwartz recently hosted a webinar with admissions consultant Terry Cowdrey on “The Role of Parents in the College Admissions Process.”
Here, Cowdrey, the former dean of admissions at both Colby College and St. Lawrence University, offers practical advice on how parents can be involved without overshadowing their child’s independence, focusing on roles that nurture rather than pressure.
1. Play the ‘Stage Manager’ Role
Cowdrey’s central message to parents was clear: support without taking over. “You’re the one helping to facilitate the campus visits… you’re being the stage manager, the helmsman on a sailboat,” she explained.
Parents can organize logistics, help manage deadlines and guide discussions, but it’s important to let the student take the spotlight. By handling behind-the-scenes tasks and staying positive, parents allow their children to lead — a valuable experience that encourages independence.
2. Foster Growth and Development
Beyond simply choosing a school, Cowdrey sees the admissions journey as a pivotal period of personal growth. “One of the things that this process is actually really good for is growth and development for adolescents,” she observed.
During this time, students learn decision-making skills, resilience, and self-awareness. Even the inevitable setbacks and rejections offer learning moments that help students mature — important lessons they’ll carry through college and beyond.
3. Establish Open Communication Early
Setting expectations around key preferences can prevent misunderstandings later in the process. Cowdrey encouraged families to talk openly about college priorities, such as campus size, distance from home, and costs. “It’s really important that you tell your child that directly,” she advised, noting that early discussions keep everyone on the same page and reduce conflict.
Financial conversations are equally important; Cowdrey emphasized the need for transparency. “You can apply to colleges that cost significantly more… but if you don’t get significant scholarships, it’s not going to be an option for you.” Honesty on this front can save both disappointment and unnecessary stress.
4. Encourage Depth Over Quantity in Extracurriculars
Admissions officers aren’t looking for a checklist of extracurriculars but rather signs of genuine interest and dedication. “Encourage your children to develop real interests… find a couple of things that they’re really interested in and want to develop a deeper interest in,” Cowdrey recommended.
Genuine involvement not only makes for a stronger application but also allows students to explore their passions in meaningful ways. This approach reduces pressure and creates opportunities for growth outside of academics.
5. Manage Stress and Keep Perspective
One of the most challenging aspects for families can be managing stress. “Students’ number one concern about the college process is disappointing their parents,” Cowdrey noted, highlighting how students often feel a heightened sense of responsibility toward parental expectations.
To relieve pressure, Cowdrey encouraged parents to keep college conversations limited and positive. “It’s really important for high school students to not feel like every conversation they have with their moms and dads is going to be about college,” she said. Balancing college talk with lighter conversations lets students know they’re valued for who they are, not just where they’re accepted.
6. Campus Visits: Focus on the Feel
When it comes to visiting schools, Cowdrey shared her best advice: go beyond the guided tour.
“Talk to students who aren’t working as tour guides… many campuses make eating a meal in the dining hall an option,” she suggested. This helps families get a more authentic feel for campus life, providing invaluable insights.
Ultimately, Cowdrey recommended parents let students trust their instincts: “Let your kids listen to their gut feelings… if they say, ‘This one just feels right,’ trust that.” A school that feels right can be just as important as one that looks right on paper.
7. Celebrate Successes and Learn from Rejections
As decisions come in, Cowdrey reminded parents to celebrate every acceptance and help their child navigate rejections with grace. “Celebrate the victories, dismiss the defeats… don’t let your son or daughter feel like they’ve disappointed you.” The admissions process can be daunting, but with a supportive parent by their side, students gain the confidence to celebrate their achievements and learn from each experience.
Conclusion
Cowdrey’s insights offer a thoughtful approach to helping children through college admissions without overstepping. By playing the role of the supportive “stage manager,” encouraging genuine interests, and fostering open communication, parents can guide their child through this journey with positivity and purpose.
Most importantly, as Cowdrey noted, parents should avoid taking admissions outcomes personally: “The number of parents who say, ‘We thought we did everything right…’ but it’s not about you or your family.” In the end, each child’s journey is their own — one they’ll be grateful to have taken with the unwavering support of their parents.
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