This story was first published in our Paying for College 101 Facebook community. It’s been edited for clarity and flow.
My third—and final—kid is wrapping up the college application process, and I’ve now been in the thick of this for more than six years.
Over that time, I’ve discovered some things matter more than you think (like timing your testing or talking about cost early). And some things matter a lot less than we’re led to believe.
Here’s what I’ve learned and what I recommend at each stage, from middle school through senior year.
Middle School: Lay the Groundwork (Without the Pressure)
Let them explore. Let them be kids. Make sure they have a strong foundation in math, reading, and writing. Before their first day of high school, remind them that every grade counts from now on.
The High School Years: What to Do (and When)
High school can feel high-stakes, but it’s really a series of steps. When you focus on what matters each year, the process becomes much more manageable—for both you and your student.
Freshman Year: Set Expectations Early
Have a real conversation about what you are willing to pay for college. DO NOT WAIT until they are a senior for this.
Understand that “top-tier” colleges are great, but so are other colleges. Too many kids are disappointed to go to their state school because their parents and teachers spent years telling them that they can get a full ride to Harvard if they work hard enough.
Have a basic outline of a plan for their classes throughout high school, but be flexible. There is still time to explore. If we hadn’t let our third take a theater class instead of a foreign language in freshman year, she may not have found the drama club. If she hadn’t found drama club, she may not have found her passion for costume design. She will be starting a BFA program in the fall for costume design and this will be her career. Let them try new things!
If your kid is a sports star and wants to play in college, join FB pages that are dedicated to this. Spend time learning how to navigate this world. It’s not as easy as people think to get a “full ride” for sports.
Sophomore Year: Start Building Awareness
Start thinking about what kind of school they might like. They will likely change their mind about what their major will be, so don’t get too deep in the weeds. Maybe visit a local college or two, even if you just drive through. Make sure to visit small, medium, and large campuses.
Learn about what FAFSA is and what comes from filling it out. Look at a sample FAFSA form to see what they’re going to ask. Understand the difference between a Pell Grant, a subsidized loan, and an unsubsidized loan. Understand the limits on federal loans and who can qualify for a private loan (hint: it’s not the kid).
If your child is not applying test-optional, don’t wait too long to take the SAT/ACT. If they need to take the test, have them do so late in their sophomore year or that summer before junior year. Some scholarships require a specific score, and your student may need time to achieve it. If your student needs to improve, the summer after junior year is your best window. Senior year is just too busy.
Junior Year: This Is the Pivotal Year
Don’t lose focus now! This is the last year of grades/activities that will make it onto the applications.
Start researching colleges that match your kids’ interests. What do they think they might want to major in? Where do they want to live? What size school do they want? Do they want fraternity/sorority access? What is important to them?
Visit a variety of colleges while they are in session. The kids really can’t get a feel for the vibe if there is nobody there.
Talk again about cost. Be honest with your kid. What exactly are you willing/able to pay? How can they make up the difference if you can’t pay for all of it?
Ask teachers for recommendations in the spring. The most popular teachers often have a limit to what they can do. Don’t lose out by waiting too long.
Write the essay the summer between junior and senior year. Common App opens Aug 1, but they put out the essay prompts earlier. There is always one that is basically “write about whatever you want.” Have them send the essay to at least 2 people for editing. If you can get some applications in to schools with rolling admissions by early September, they can have an acceptance by early October and take some pressure off.
Senior Year: Manage the Process (and the Stress)
Parents, take a deep breath. Your kid is probably going to be stressed, and they are probably going to take it out on you. Try not to talk about college every day. Once a week is better.
Be patient with their guidance counselors and recommenders, but be in communication. Be polite with your communication so they feel compelled to help you. Remind them of upcoming deadlines.
Do not wait until the day of the deadline to submit applications. Every year, there are kids who don’t get them in on time due to differences in time zones or servers getting bogged down.
Have the student check their email every day.
Be sure they set up the portal at EVERY college they apply to. If they apply and don’t see an email to set up the portal, check the Common App to see if it was received and check their junk mail.
Check the portals weekly. Most correspondence will go there, and they can miss deadlines if they aren’t checking it regularly.
Check the college website for information before bothering the admissions department. Calling them for every little thing that is clearly spelled out on the website just shows that you can’t do the research.
If your kid is deferred, follow the instructions given to the letter. Do not send anything they don’t ask for. You are vying for a spot against other people who follow the rules.
Final Thoughts: It Will Work Out
Good luck! Remember, there is a college for everyone. They will find their place. There is nothing better than dropping them off for their sophomore year and having them say that they are happy to be “home.”
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Use R2C Insights to help find merit aid and schools that fit the criteria most important to your student. You’ll not only save precious time, but your student will avoid the heartache of applying to schools they aren’t likely to get into or can’t afford to attend.
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Other Articles You Might Like:
College Planning Checklist for 9th and 10th Grade
Achieving a Good Score on the SAT: How the Test Works & Tips for Success
How to Pick a College that Loves You Back
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