Dear Roadie,
Is it acceptable to stop supporting your college student financially because you disagree with her political views? My daughter was cut off from her father because she didn’t vote the way he wanted. He will not change his mind; he even removed all his banking information from the college payment portal. I can’t support her on my own without taking out loans. What should I do now?
— Rejected Over Her Vote
Dear Rejected Over Her Vote,
Whoa, this is not a situation any parent ever imagines facing, but these are weird times in America, and our nation seems more divided than ever. Unfortunately, her father does not respect her right to vote, which means free of influence or persecution. He seems to be punishing her for having different beliefs, but in the hyper-political climate we’re in, you’re likely not the only parent dealing with this.
It’s never easy to discover that the child you raised may have views or make life choices that clash deeply with your own beliefs. But it is inevitable. The odds of a child growing into an adult who never differs from a parent on anything are pretty low. The question is, should financial support be contingent on aligning with your values, or is that something you, the parent, provide unconditionally?
Let’s unpack this thoughtfully because the stakes are high—for your child’s future, your relationship, and even the family dynamic.
College isn’t just about academics. It’s a launchpad for independence. It’s where young adults learn to think critically, encounter diverse perspectives, and start shaping their own identities. It’s natural, and even healthy, for students to question or diverge from their parents’ views. Most psychologists would say it’s a key part of growing up and becoming an independent adult.
But if your financial support is tied to their agreement with your beliefs, how does that impact their growth? Instead of exploring ideas freely, they may feel pressure to conform or conceal their true thoughts, and that can damage the trust between you in the long run.
Then there are the school-related consequences. Without financial support, many students face the tough choice of taking on significant debt, working excessive hours, or even dropping out altogether. This doesn’t just disrupt their education—it can limit their career prospects and financial stability for years.
If you, too, feel strongly about pulling support, consider whether the decision is rooted in values or frustration. Are you trying to uphold a principle or reacting to feelings of disappointment or hurt? Giving yourself time to reflect may bring clarity.
Finding Middle Ground
If you’re feeling torn, try having an open conversation with your student and her father. If he refuses, I’d suggest having it with her anyway. Listen to her perspective and share your own without judgment. You might find common ground—or at least mutual understanding. The last thing anyone wants is to not feel heard.
If you or her father are uncomfortable with how your money is being used (e.g., funding things you strongly oppose), consider setting boundaries on what the financial support covers rather than pulling it entirely. Also, ask yourself if your decision will help or harm their ability to succeed academically and professionally. Education is an investment in their future, not a bargaining chip. A family counselor or mediator can help navigate these conversations, especially if emotions are running high.
Now, that said, there are situations where withdrawing financial support may feel justified—for instance, if your child uses the money irresponsibly or puts themselves in harmful situations. In those cases, it’s less about differing views and more about accountability and safety.
However, cutting off support purely due to ideological differences can send a message that love and support are conditional. It’s OK to feel hurt, confused, or even angry when your child’s views differ from yours. But it’s also an opportunity to model compassion, resilience, and the kind of unconditional love that anchors family bonds.
Instead of seeing differences as a divide, consider them a chance to grow together. Supporting your child’s education, even when you disagree, demonstrates faith in their ability to navigate the world on their own. That’s a powerful gift only a parent can give.
Whatever you decide, approach the issue with empathy, honesty, and a commitment to preserving your relationship. After all, long after college is over, you’ll still be family.
Have a perplexing college question? Email Dear Roadie for advice at dearroadie@road2college.com
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