Dear Roadie:
My father-in-law has generously offered to pay for our daughter’s college education. I was thrilled when he first told us. But then he quickly added a stipulation: She must do the first two years at our local community college. He explained that he had read a lot about this issue and concluded that this was the smartest approach. My husband and I thanked him profusely but asked for time to discuss this between ourselves and our daughter. What do you think about his offer? While I find it extremely generous, I also wonder if it’s a bit controlling. I wouldn’t have even thought about community college otherwise. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. I’m not sure how I feel about it, to be honest. What do you think?
– That’s a Big “But”
Dear That’s a Big “But,”
Wow, that is a generous offer! Your family is lucky to have this opportunity.
I wouldn’t automatically be turned off by your father-in-law’s proposal, even if it’s something you had never considered before. Deciding whether to accept his offer will come down to this: How important is it for your daughter to graduate debt-free, and how much will it impact your life if you don’t have to pay a penny for her education?
If both of those things would make a significant difference, then I don’t see a reason to rescind his offer.
Perhaps your daughter (and you) had a different idea in mind when it came to college. Maybe she wanted to attend a big state school or she’s a stellar student who has always dreamed of attending an Ivy League school. I can understand how choosing to attend a community college instead might seem like a letdown, but there are major upsides that might make up for all of that.
Let’s start with cost. Community college classes are much less expensive than the same classes at four-year schools. It’s not clear if you were planning to foot the bill entirely before receiving your father-in-law’s offer, and if doing so will add financial strain to your family. Either way, graduating without any debt is a huge boon for any student, and that alone makes this offer worth considering. The average student loan debt for college graduates is almost $30,000.
Cost isn’t the only reason to give community colleges a chance. A community college first means she will likely have an easier time getting into competitive colleges and selective programs later. There are far fewer students seeking transfers to schools than students looking to be admitted to the next freshman class, so this may give her an advantage.
If she knows what school she’d be transferring to by the middle or end of her first year, she would be able to tailor her second-year courses to align with any of the transfer school’s pre-major requirements, though many colleges will waive those if a student transfers with an Associate in Arts degree. Also, many direct-admit programs at community colleges guarantee admittance to partner schools after completing your first two years making it even easier to transfer.
No matter what a student’s school and financial prospects are, community colleges are the most affordable way to get your general education requirements out of the way. They also offer the most flexibility in terms of when and how you learn, such as evening or online classes. Classes tend to be smaller, too, so it’s easier to develop one-on-one relationships with professors and seek help when you need it. The application process is also smoother and shorter, which means a lot less stress during her senior year in high school.
For all these reasons and more, community colleges are worth considering — even if your father-in-law wasn’t requiring it.
I can’t speak to whether he’s doing this to exert control, as you say, or simply because he has just enough set aside for two years of community college and two years at a four-year institution, or perhaps he’s just a huge fan of community colleges and all they have to offer.
I’d suggest having an honest, respectful, open-minded conversation about that directly with him to get a better understanding of why he’s requiring this mandate. Make sure your daughter is part of the conversation. She’s old enough to understand and this is about her future, after all. If you decide to accept his offer, you’ll want all these “what ifs” out of the way, so you can enjoy his generosity without any negativity.
I know that community college was the furthest thing from your and your daughter’s minds until now, but disappointments are part of life, as is the need to pivot when things don’t turn out quite the way we planned. The sooner your daughter learns these life lessons, the better, especially in this case, when the result is the same — she’ll earn a college degree — but she — and you — will be better off financially.
_______
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