Dear Roadie:
Our daughter is steadfast in her belief that she can do anything, including going through the college application process all on her own. The problem is that she has her sights set on very expensive schools, and her dad and I are worried she’s not even looking at other schools that have just as much to offer and are much more affordable. I don’t doubt my daughter’s abilities, but I’m worried her lack of maturity and experience will prompt her to make decisions she may later regret. How can we stop her?
— I Raised A Know-It-All
Dear I Raised A Know-It-All:
I can see why you’re concerned that your daughter may be getting in over her head, both financially and with the college journey in general. Technically, she can apply to any school she wants to by herself. The question is, can she handle that responsibility and all the steps involved, and is she prepared to take on debt if she has to?
Today’s college journey is not the same as it was 25 years ago, or even 10 years ago. Elite schools are more competitive than ever. College in general is also much more expensive than ever, and most college-bound students have little experience with budgets and financing, making it difficult to understand the implications of their decisions.
That said, millions of students attend college every year on student loans, in many cases with little to no parental cosigning involved. So if the question is whether your daughter can take the reins of her college journey and go about it without you, even if she’ll have to go into debt to do it, the short answer is yes.
I don’t blame you for being concerned that she may go down the wrong path, especially one that might impact her financially for years to come. But this is her journey, for the most part. Unless you’re planning to pay for her choices, you really have little control over where she applies or even where she decides to attend school.
Who’s Paying Makes A Difference
If you are footing the bill, that changes things. I believe that anyone who makes a financial investment in anything, including their child’s college education, earns a say in how their money is spent. I would calmly explain that to your daughter if that’s the case.
Will she have to take out loans to attend the so-called expensive school, even if you’ll be contributing too? If so, I would demonstrate on paper what her monthly payments are likely to look like using the many online calculators available. Be sure to discuss that amount in the context of her likely earnings and the cost of living where she’d like to live. This exercise is eye-opening for most students, but in their defense, they’ve never had to think about these things before.
Whether you’re paying for her education or not, visiting multiple schools in person can be incredibly helpful in this scenario. Many times students fall in love with a school from afar and once they’re there they realize it’s nothing like they imagined. Before your daughter commits to any school, whether it’s expensive or not, I’d urge her to visit a few college campuses so she can get a feel for what they’re really like. Generally speaking, it’s a good idea to visit reach, target, and safety schools.
Give Credit Where It’s Due
Keep in mind that your daughter’s desire to go through this process alone is admirable. It shows initiative, determination, and courage. She’s clearly confident in her abilities, which is exactly what you want your children to be. The only problem is their lack of experience can often lead them down wrong or even expensive paths. This is when having someone to guide them can make a significant difference.
Your goal is to be her ally, not her nemesis, so try to avoid taking jabs at her choices, even if she sets her sights on pricey schools. It’s OK for her to cast a wide net right now, so long as she includes target and safety schools in that net as well. By the time decisions are made and finances are sorted, many students change their minds. But if you’re paying for her education, she’ll have to accept that you’re part of the ride.
Have a perplexing college question? Email Dear Roadie for advice at dearroadie@road2college.com
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