Dear Roadie,
My husband and I think our daughter should only apply to top colleges that award lots of merit, but those don’t necessarily correlate with the other factors high on her list of priorities. She’s a great student but we don’t earn enough to pay for college. As much as we’d like to help, we can’t. She’s willing to take out loans if her top pick doesn’t offer merit, which scares us. We don’t want her to start her life in debt. What can we do?
— Follow The Merit
Dear Follow The Merit,
Balancing a student’s dreams, the potential for scholarships, and practicality are at the heart of many family debates about college. You are not alone there. On the one hand, the idea of your child attending a top school with a merit scholarship sounds like a win-win. But what happens when your daughter’s college wish list prioritizes factors that don’t align with these schools? The good news is you can find a balance without sacrificing her dreams or budget.
Before diving into application logistics, I think it’s important to sit down as a family and listen to each other’s priorities. Why does she favor certain schools? Maybe she loves their study-abroad programs, tight-knit campus vibe, or proximity to home. Share your thoughts, too, but keep the conversation open and collaborative, not a tug-of-war.
It’s tempting to focus on top-tier schools, especially those offering merit scholarships. But here’s the thing — “top” means different things to different people. A school that ranks high in your daughter’s areas of interest, whether that’s innovative programs or supportive faculty, might not make the traditional “elite” list but could still be the perfect fit. Research schools that align with her priorities and offer financial incentives. You’d be surprised how many hidden gems exist.
Look for areas where your priorities align, such as a top school with a great nursing program that offers merit scholarships and has the Greek life she’s looking for. Or maybe it’s the smaller school with the hands-on learning opportunities she’s craving and a history of awarding merit scholarships to out-of-state students. Focusing on areas of commonality, instead of just the differences, will keep you both on the same track.
Play the Numbers Game
College costs are a big deal, so crunching the numbers is crucial. Look into total costs, scholarship opportunities, and financial aid packages for a range of schools together. Most students this age have never had to make these considerations before, so taking the time to do it together will be eye-opening. Keep in mind that sometimes, a private college with scholarships can cost less than a public one without them. Mapping this out can make decision-making clearer and less stressful.
A situation like yours shows why applying to a mix of schools is important. I recommend at least six schools — her dream choices, solid middle-ground options, and a couple of financial safety schools. When acceptance letters roll in your family can weigh the offers against her wishlist. Having choices ensures no one is backed into a corner.
The college journey can feel like a high-stakes chess match but try not to let the pressure take over. The right school isn’t just about rankings or scholarships — it’s where she’ll thrive academically, socially, and emotionally. Trust her instincts, lean on your family values, and remember that success comes from the person, not the institution.
It’s ultimately her decision to attend a certain school and accept college loans or not, but no matter where she lands, the most important thing is that your daughter feels supported by her biggest cheerleaders.
Have a perplexing college question? Email Dear Roadie for advice at dearroadie@road2college.com
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Use R2C Insights to help find merit aid and schools that fit the criteria most important to your student. You’ll not only save precious time, but your student will avoid the heartache of applying to schools they aren’t likely to get into or can’t afford to attend.
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